Chasing a dream is probably the hardest thing that I’ve ever done.
If I’m gonna be a vessel of God and used to spread the gospel, at some point I have to start being open and if I can be honest: this is hard. Not because I don't love it, that’s actually what keeps me going… but the process is so difficult. A lot of times, the “Behind The Scenes” stuff and the moments that go unseen feels like it’s almost too much to bear. Being obedient and doing this God’s way means that I have given up control, I’ve given up my plans, and I’ve told God that He can move forward with His plans for my life. As a result, I have no idea how to do this. Most times, I don’t even know what’s coming next…. All I know is what God said. I know the vision that He gave me…. I know the end, at least I sort of know.
I have dreams about it. I can see it… I see myself moving in the calling that God has given me... and it scares me! Not because I can't do it… but because I’ve worked so hard and sometimes it feels like it won’t happen.
I know I can’t be the only one to experience this…. doubt.
Doubt is a very real thing. It’s so real that it pushes us into acts and thoughts that are birthed out of desperation. It causes us to settle for far less than we have the potential to reach. It puts a false sense on and causes us to rely on reality… when we have been called to rely on faith. Doubt gives birth to fear, at least that's how I see it. I feel like fear is nothing more than thoughts that come out of doubt. The doubt of believing that what you were called and created to do won’t work… that you’ll fail. Fear that you’ll get hurt. Fear that you won’t succeed. From these thoughts of doubting, we create these false images and scenarios in our head of all of the negative that we could experience and based off of that, we place limits on ourselves. Perhaps even mores than that, we place limits on God. We go for the things that are right in front of us as opposed to reaching for the stars. We stay in our boxes, full of things that we can see and control rather than moving on faith and going for things that are, seemingly, beyond our reach. That’s not living; that’s insanity! If we don't test our limits, we’ll never know what we are made of… we’ll never know the full potential of what we have. This fear that’s birthed from doubt robs us of so much. It robs of experiences that we need to move forward and to develop to fulfill the purpose that we were created for.
One thing this whole experience of following what I believe to be the voice of God, in moving forward in music ministry is that I (we… YOU) can’t let fear rob me of my purpose. I have to learn to move past what I think might not happen and focus on what IS! God IS! I have had to learn to love unconditionally because people WILL hurt you. I’ve learned to live courageously because sometimes you don’t get second chances. I’ve learned to worship intently because so many things come to distract you away from the thing we are supposed to be devoting our lives to.
I have no idea how to do this, I don't know where to begin, but God does! It’s the price we pay for obedient living… that’s why we need faith- unwavering faith. However, if we continue to focus on God, he’ll reveal our next steps on the journey!