For I Am Not Worthy
I’ve been trying really hard for about a month and a half to give God at least an hour of my day. This comes through a combination of prayer, reading my bible, watching and participating in online bible studies, and private worship…. I’ve been pretty good at keeping it up. It’s not something that I brag about or flaunt, but it’s been a huge blessing to my life. I can sense the change. I admit that prior to challenging myself to do this, I wasn't good at praying or spending time with God. I did small “microwave” prayers and I would mostly experience God in public church settings.. never in my private life. Yet, I expected God to show up in miraculous ways when I was singing, leading worship or speaking. I was trying to lead people into a place that I hadn’t really spent much time. I had no idea how to access what I was seeking God for. I reached a certain level in worship and I’d hit a ceiling… I’d stop.
A lot of times, we seek God for an emotional high. We want to only “feel” the presence of the Holy Spirit rather than seek what the Holy Spirit is looking to accomplish through us. I’ve learned that worship makes us clean in a sense…. when we worship, we focus ourselves on God and it cleans us of all of our bad feelings. It takes away all of the “yucky” things in our hearts and minds… and it just makes us feel good… almost lighter because we have cast a lot of our cares before God.
My issue was that I was letting things hold me back. I was reminded of the sins that I’d done and while in the middle of worshipping, it almost acted like a leash… right when I was ready to break out, the “leash” yanked and I was pulled back to my lowly reality. I’d feel better because I experienced worship… but I wasn’t free. I let the weight of my sin hold me back from experiencing the fullness of God.
In 1 Corinthians 15:9, “Paul Says For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church.”
This let me know that I wasn't alone in feeling this way. The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. No one is perfect, but it’s how we respond to our imperfections that will show the true level of our faith. If we are truthful, none of us are worthy of any blessing from God. This is why I am so grateful for the sacrifice that Christ made! Through his blood, we can confess our sins and shortcomings and be cleansed and FREED from the guilt and shame and the “leash” that it places over our lives. In these moments of worship, I felt unworthy. I believed in God. I had salvation, but I’d think to myself: “Who am I to do this? I’m not worthy of that.” This thought crippled me. It was a terrible feeling, something that I only recently was able to move beyond. I felt like I embodied the spirit behind verse 9… I AM NOT WORTHY! But Paul sets an example for us. Although he felt this way, he understood grace in it’s complete capacity. He knew that he wasn’t worthy… yet he knew that the Christ working in him qualified him to work for the kingdom. Paul was a huge Christian KILLER. This dude murdered people for simply professing their faith in Christ…. and became one of the biggest influences in the spreading of the gospel.
We have to stop allowing things to hold us back. There are levels of worship and Christ that we have not reached. There are levels in life that we are not accessing because we are letting the guilt of our sins and our limited knowledge of the Holy Spirit hold us back. Simply repent, fight temptation, ask God for daily help and move on! It’s possible. Paul shows us that.
A lot of times when I write these posts, the goal is to encourage others, but I am always encouraging myself. So, let’s do it together. Let’s leave the limits behind and move forward in the plan and purpose that God has given us! Done are the days of letting guilt hold us back. We are free from every limiting thought that causes us to feel unworthy… Let's experience the true, miraculous power of Christ. The same power that we read about in the Bible.
We aren’t worthy... but Christ has made us clean and qualified!